Mon 18 Dec, 2023

The Black Sheep of the Family or the Black Sheep of the Community? 🐑

Last Thursday, I went to a gorgeous dinner with fellow asian female entrepreneurs.

It was wonderful to meet like minded women who are breaking through cultural limitations & expectations to follow their dreams & pursue their passion & purpose.

It’s been a while since I’ve been in a place only with asian people, specifically asian women,

and something was glaringly obvious to me…

It was like I had been transported back 20 years when I was living in an area with predominantly Indian/asian people.

That overwhelming feeling of being ‘different’ was looking at me directly in the face again.

Amongst the asian community, my family have done things VERY differently. We didn’t grow up with our baa’s & aunties close by.

We weren’t part of the community like many other Indian families are.

We didn’t follow cultural or religious traditions.

My mum doesn’t know much about pooja’s & religious holiday’s or festivals. We didn’t have our grandparents to teach us.

My mum’s dad was an athiest & banned anything remotely religious from the household,

and my dad’s mum converted to Christianity.

I didn’t have any influence of what it means to be Indian or Hindu.

I didn’t speak gujarati like many of my friends did nor did I understand it.

My parents spoke Hindi at home, which I understand but they always spoke to us in English.

We travelled to different countries from a young age & moved around a lot.

We were never encouraged or pushed to study certain subjects at school & when we did attend a gathering of fellow Indians, we often stood out because culturally we didn’t live our lives in the same way as our peers.

I was, as many people called me back then, a coconut. 🥥

Fast forward to the age of 35, put me in a situation with fellow Indians & it’s strikingly obvious that I am still the one who is a bit ‘different’.

All the women who attended were around my age & younger. They were ALL married, most had children & seemed to have followed the cookie cutter lifestyle of an Asian woman. (This is my assumption, I thoroughly enjoyed talking to all of these women, I admired their confidence, the way they carried themselves and how passionate they were about what they were doing.)

But,

there I was, talking about having lived in Italy & South Korea, being in a relationship with a woman, the possibility of raising our children in Thailand & Hong Kong & suddenly I felt alien again.

I’ve often had these feelings of ‘not belonging’.

I’m not meant to live my life like anybody else & it’s not supposed to ‘look’ any particular way. These feelings just highlighted insecurities I still hold about myself.

As a coach, people may think we should have it all figured out. But we don’t & I’m not going to convince you otherwise.

But what I can tell you is that I am fully AWARE of when past patterns start showing themselves. I know what I need to do to release this patterning. Through reframing, tuning inwards & healing those past wounds that have stemmed from childhood.

I couldn’t have done that 20 years ago or even 5 years ago but I can do that now.

My path may look different from other asian women but it’s what sets me apart from the rest. It’s what makes me more open minded, non judgemental & someone who truly understands hardship & how to navigate through challenges.

My worldly experiences contribute to who I am as a person, how I perceive the world & how I want to show up for humanity in a way that transcends the ego.

To all my fellow coconuts, join me on this mission of creating heaven on earth & making this world a better place!